I don’t know why I’m walking slowly,
My head is spinning with my own pretense.
I don’t know why I feel this lonely,
When everyone else is here.
I think I need my own stark morning,
When things don’t seem so discontent.
I can’t walk this mile just mourning,
With all of my mistakes lying ahead.
But I can’t pander on rusty memories,
I need to make my own new remedies,
I have to get up and start the day,
While my head is busy sulking in fray.
I’m tired of saying and meaning and feeling,
Sometimes I just want to trust in believing.
While I drag myself into everything venomous,
I still want to not be so nebulous.
There’s just so much going on,
That all these words have been left stray for way too long,
That I can no longer believe in them,
When they say I can be all of it.
And I’m here sitting,
Thinking, wishing I was my old self again.
But that time has long far gone,
While I have been wandering awake at dawn.
Now, it’s time for me to take action.
Because it has been three full years of procrastination.
I need to stop thinking and running back the past.
I need to embrace the future and make the best of it last.